2 June 2019
Photos: Elena Cremona
Interview & Text: Martin Hufnagel
'Are you going to carry on, even if you lose everything and have to do it all over again?'
On the release day of his EP Self Construction, I talked to Kane about losing the hard drive that contained all of his songs, giving up himself for others, and self construction.
The EP Self Construction was a long time in the making. Around this time last year, Kane had just finished a bunch of songs that had just been pouring out of him. He was on his way to visit some friends, to play them and to show what he had been working on the last few months. On the way, he lost his hard drive with all the final versions of his songs.
'At that time it was horrible. Also, straight away, I saw it as a test to strengthen my commitment and my dedication to what I had created. It was the question, "Are you going to carry on, even if you lose everything and have to do it all over again?" It kind of revealed how much about it I needed to let go, and that was a challenge. On that hard drive were songs that I had stumbled upon, that were inside me. I’m not really sure where they came from, and I didn’t really understand it. I felt lucky, like I made these songs by accident so I wanted to get them out as quickly as possible. Then I had to get back in there again and find them somehow. This was a very educational process.'
While it would have been obvious to perceive this incident as a huge loss or mistake, as a sign that he never should have quit his job and started making music, Kane reflected on it and viewed it in a different way: 'I could have gone, "I’m destined for nothing, and I fuck everything up", but instead I said, "Alright, what could I learn from this? How can I make this better?" And eventually, I’m at this point where it’s out and where I’m talking to you about it.'
Of course, now, one year later, the songs sound different than the ones on the lost hard drive. After coming to terms that the songs that had been inside him wouldn’t go anywhere, he took his time to do the ideas justice. Nevertheless, he’s already working on another project. 'I struggle to listen to it already, and it’s only been out for one day. Obviously a year has gone by, I worked on my craft, and I made improvements. It’s strange that people perceive it and think that this is me and where I’m at now, but it’s actually where I was at last year. But you can’t move on to the next version of yourself when you’re still in the body of the old one. You have to let it go, and be devoured by the outside world if you ever want to progress.'
Sometimes it’s hard to let go, but it’s necessary in order to move on and find your new place. Before making music, Kane was working as a creative director for a company. Shooting videos, implementing ideas and working with other artists seems wonderful, but Kane felt that he was working himself into the ground. He was unhappy, even though he was doing something that he shouldn’t have been unhappy about. 'It was always in service for another artist, it was always artistic endeavours but hidden behind somebody else’s face, and trying to communicate their message and vision.'
Kane refers to that as 'denying myself my own expression'. He says, 'That’s what almost killed me actually. I had to look at it, and I had to observe what was causing me stress and pain, and I had to get to the root of it. I also asked myself, "Why do I do this? Why do I give myself away to the point of destruction?" The answer was because I was afraid to do it for myself. From there it was just like, ok, let’s see if that’s what the problem is.'